Squashing Passion?

As I mentioned in my last post, I have been increasingly drawn to the concept of 24-7 prayer.  Perhaps even to the extent of exploring it as an avenue for future ministry.

Well, about a week ago, I contacted someone in the upper echelons of my local denominational organization about arranging a prayer vigil for the entire duration of our annual meeting.  I didn't know what was going to happen, but I contacted this person anyway.

I got a response back today that engendered two entirely different responses in rapid fire succession.  The essence of the response was that the prayer focus for our annual meeting was already being taken care of by this person and someone else.

My first reaction was to be somewhat upset.  After all, it was a terse response that seemed to say thanks but no thanks.  I'll confess that, in the back of my head, I thought, "Way to go, man.  Way to squash the passion I had for this.  Way to not let me get involved."

About ten seconds after that thought, I reconsidered the original response.  The person didn't tell me that I couldn't be involved or even that I shouldn't be involved.  Rather, all he said was that he was already working on it.  I was allowing my preconceived ideas to determine my response, which was childish and petulant ("If they don't want me to lead it, then fine...I'll take my toys and go home.).

Therein lies, I believe, the biggest lesson God has yet to teach me - and the one that I seem to be resisting the hardest.  I am a distinctly type A personality.  I like things to be done my way, and I like to be in control.  These desires have a disturbing tendency to overflow into my life as a minister, revealing themselves as an approach to ministerial involvement that says that, if I am not in charge, I will not participate.  I know, what a horrible attitude!

God wants me to be open to doing his work regardless of whether I am the man making the plans or the man cleaning the toilets at the end of the day.  Hopefully I can begin to take this lesson seriously and allow it to change the way I think and the way I operate.  I think I'll start by e-mailing the guy again about the prayer stuff and just saying, "Look, I just want to be involved in whatever way possible."

God doesn't squash passion - we do.

jB