Day 10: 2 Samuel

Today marks 1/4 of Lent. That means that I am A) only one month from Easter and B) 25% of the way through the Bible. It's taking a fair amount of time, but I am enjoying it immensely.

Today brings one observation from 2 Samuel:

The Best Kind of Leader

The hero of 2 Samuel is David. The same David who defeated Goliath with a sling and a stone. The same David who was tempted by Bathsheba and ended up killing her husband. Neither of those stories, though, are what caught my eye about David while I was reading 2 Samuel.

What caught my attention was David's leadership style - David wasn't a domineering authoritarian. He was the kind of leader that listened to his advisors and, most importantly, listened to God. Early in the book, David was often fighting wars. Multiple times in the narrative, you see David stopping to ask God, "Lord, what should I do? Should I go out to battle or wait?" He then based his decisions on God's response.

It wasn't just God that David consulted for advice, though. As I hinted above, he also allowed his trusted subordinates and advisors to give him good advice. Later in the narrative, David is forced into hiding by Absalom, who wants to kill him. When the time comes for the battle between David's troops and Absalom's troops, David is prepared to go out and fight alongside his men. But before he goes out, one of his generals comes to him and says, "No, you need to stay here. If we lose, so be it - but if Absalom should get lucky and kill you out there, Israel is done for." Once again, David listens to the wise counsel.

Could it be that this is the key to great leadership? Could it be that the best leaders are not the kind of leaders that dictate what will be and who will countenance no disagreement or even discussion, but rather the kind of leaders that recognize their shortcomings and allow others to help advise and guide them? Perhaps. History certainly seems to indicate so...as does the story of David in 2 Samuel.

Day 9: 1 Samuel

I had forgotten how much there is in 1 Samuel. It is certainly one of the easier books to read in the Old Testament - lots of narrative and not a lot of tedious genealogy or whatnot. I am certainly going to have to do a series of sermons on 1 Samuel in the not-too-distant future.

Observations:

Talk About Making an Impact (1 Samuel 6)

In an early part of the book, the Philistine army conquers the Israelites and captures the Ark of the Covenant - the holiest of relics for the Jewish people. Over time, the Philistines begin to suffer from a series of maladies and misfortunes that were quickly attributed to the ill-gotten Ark in their presence.

Deciding what to do, the rulers of the Philistines asked their seers. The response of the seers? Send it back, you don't want to make the God of Israel mad. Then they say, in 6:6:

"Do not be stubborn and rebellious as Pharaoh and the Egyptians were. By the time God was finished with them, they were eager to let Israel go."

Talk about a long-lasting impact! The mighty things God had done in Egypt were influencing the decisions of people many, many years later. This is why it is important to remember and keep track (perhaps through journalling or blogging) of the things God has done in your life - so that when you face a tough decision, you can look back on those things and allow them to influence you to a wise choice.

Holy Anger

The story of David and Goliath is familiar to almost everyone who has ever set foot in a church. There is part of it, though, that never ceases to speak to me - the reason why David was so eager to go to battle with the Philistine giant. David overheard Goliath taunting not just the Israelite army, but God himself...and David got angry. He began asking questions like, "Who is this Philistine that he gets away with taunting God and his army." Eventually, God used David's holy anger to kill Goliath and remove the taunts and the threats.

We live in a time when holy anger is seen as a bad idea. It is "offensive" and we don't want to "offend" people. But we also live in a time when people are taunting God and God's people mercilessly. There has to be a balance between mercy and the kind of holy anger that David experienced.

Doing What You're Told

Saul - the first king of Israel - went out to war against an army of Amalekites. The word from God was to completely annihilate the Amalekites - all the way down to their sheep, goats, and cattle. When the battle was won, though, they didn't listen. They took the best of the livestock for themselves.

Of course, they got caught. When Samuel - God's prophet - confronted Saul with the misdeed, Saul tried a clever excuse: We only kept the best to offer them as a burnt offering to God. Samuel wasn't impressed, and responded with a pointed reply (1 Samuel 15:22)

"What is more pleasing to the LORD: your burnt offerings and your sacrifices or your obedience to his voice? Listen! Obedience is better than sacrifice, and submission is better than offering the fat of rams."

Obedience is better than sacrifice. Perhaps another way to say it might be: "Obedience is better than going to church." Or, "Obedience is better than giving 10%." Or, "Obedience is better than any of the other ways we 'sacrifice' for God today."

Day 8: Judges and Ruth

This is the first day that I've had to read more than one book of the Bible. It's harder to keep straight some of the observations and which book they come from without taking notes (which I am not doing, as I want to be careful not to make this into an academic exercise). If I struggle with 2, I wonder how I'll do with 5 or 6 later. Regardless, time to trudge on, with only one major observation for today:

Be Careful Little Mouth What You Say

Judges tells the story of a guy by the name of Jephthah. Jephthah's story is the stuff of a soap opera. He was the son of Gilead...but his mother was a prostitute. Jephthah's half-brothers wanted to be sure that Jephthah didn't receive any inheritance, so they forced Jephthah to leave home and to head out to the wilderness. This is where the story gets interesting.

While in the wilderness, Jephthah develops into an excellent military leader, leading a group of "rebels" in the wilderness. At some later point in the story, his brothers come under attack and they beg Jephthah to lead them in battle. Understandably, Jephthah isn't fond of his brothers and is reluctant to help them. After they promise to make him "king," though, he goes to battle and wins.

All of that, though, is a prelude to the real observation from Jephthah's life. He gets a little too confident prior to a battle and lets his mouth run away with him. If victorious, he promises to offer as a burnt offering the first thing (person/animal) to come out of his house to greet him on his return. Of course, he won...and the first person to greet him was his only daughter, Milpah. Unable to escape the promise he had made to God, the text tells us that Jephthah carried out the sacrifice. Disturbing, I know.

Aside from the overall disturbing nature of this story, I find myself seeing it as a cautionary tale for the times I want to run my mouth and make promises or guarantees. If Jephthah had been satisfied to win and kept his mouth shut, the tragedy would not have befallen him. Instead, he boasted in front of many people about what he would do...and ended up in a no-win situation. The words we say can be very dangerous, and Jephthah reminds me that I need to try harder and seek God's help in controlling my tendency to over-speak.

Day 7: Joshua

Back on track today with the book of Joshua. Aside from a somewhat tedious listing of which tribe got what lands, there is good stuff here.

No Need to Be Greedy

In the latter half of the book, Joshua is involved in doling out to each tribe the portion of the Promised Land that would be theirs. He gives land - including towns to each tribe, making sure that there is enough there to support the people. At the end of this time, Joshua was given the chance to choose what his allotment would be.

Because of the role he had played as leader of the people, God permitted Joshua to select whatever town he wanted to be his personal domain and the domain of his family for generations to come. Any town at all - Joshua could choose Jericho, Jerusalem, Hebron or any other major city in the Promised Land.

Who could have blamed him if he had chosen Jerusalem or Jericho - a large, well-known town as his inheritance? After all, he had earned it. Joshua chooses not to select any of the "famous" towns, though, opting instead for a town called Timnath-serah. He opted for an out of the way town - leaving the best of the conquered lands for others. There's a leadership lesson in there somewhere.

Fight for Your Brothers (and Sisters)

There were three tribes that, before the Israelites conquered the promised land, asked for permission to have the conquered lands East of the Jordan river as their inheritance. The tribes of Reuben, Gad and the half-tribe of Manasseh were large groups with large flocks and they coveted the pastures East of the Jordan. So they asked if they could have the land East as their inheritance.

The leaders - Moses and Joshua - were concerned about the request, fearing that granting the three tribes land East of the river would prevent those three tribes from crossing the Jordan and fighting with their brothers to conquer the actual "Promised Land." Yet Moses and Joshua responded favorably, if conditionally. They told the leaders of Gad, Reuben and Manasseh that they could have the land East of the river, as long as they agreed to help the other tribes acquire their land. Already having plenty of land was not an excuse for not helping their fellow Israelites who did not have any land.

When I read that, I can't help but think about the church. How many churches have settled onto their "promised land" and stopped worrying about their fellow men and women who do not have land on which to settle? How often do we look at the struggles of other churches or denominations and say, "I'm glad it's not us" rather than getting up and helping in the fight. The Israelites were ultimately successful because God was on their side, but they also displayed a remarkable sense of unity that I think today's church would do well to adopt.

Getting Back on Schedule

A good friend - who happens to be an Episcopalian priest - reminded me yesterday that Sundays are not included in the 40 days of Lent. So in order to get back on schedule, I'm going to skip a day and pick up with Joshua tomorrow.

The posts will be back on track tomorrow!

Day 6: Deuteronomy

Deuteronomy is another one of my favorite books. There is just so much in its 34 chapters that speaks to the world in which we live. A couple of the highlights:

Not Because of Us (Deuteronomy 9:6)

Much of Deuteronomy consists of Moses listing the great things that God had either already done or would do for the people of Israel. The escape from Egypt, the years in the wilderness, the conquering of the Promised Land...and on and on and on. When hearing Moses list all of the great things God had done and was going to do for them, the temptation must have been fairly strong for them to think, "God must love us because we are so good." It must have been easy to start thinking that somehow they deserved all of God's goodness.

This is where Deuteronomy 9:6 comes into play: "You must recognize that the Lord your God is not giving you this good land because you are good, for you are not--you are a stubborn people."

Just in case the Israelites were tempted to think more of themselves than they should, God - through Moses - puts them in their place. All that had happened or will happen was because of God's grace, not because of any inherent goodness within the people of Israel. Moses even goes so far to point out that they are not inherently good, but inherently stubborn.

How often do we fall into the trap of thinking that we "deserve" God's blessing? Think about it for a minute. When was the last time God didn't answer one of your prayers the way you wanted? How did you react? Did you think - even for a moment - "But God, I've done all these good things, I deserved that blessing?" Be honest. I know that I have acted and thought that way, and still do on occasion.

Those kinds of thoughts are a trap. The fact remains that, no matter how "good" we are, we will never deserve the grace and kindness of God. We will never reach the point where we have earned God's mighty work on our behalf. The truth of the matter is that, as Moses says, "We are not good--we are a stubborn people."

Avoid at ALL Costs

One of the hardest things for many people to get past in Deuteronomy is the lack of mercy towards the inhabitants of the land(s) the Israelites were going to conquer. Indeed, the fact that God repeatedly tells the Israelites to annihilate entire peoples - men, women, children, livestock - is so unpalatable to some that they just ignore those verses and/or pretend that God "didn't really mean" it.

In context, though, those commands had a purpose. Reading through Deuteronomy, one can easily see a concern that the Israelites would be tempted and convinced to worship the gods of the peoples they were conquering (and history will show that this concern was well-founded). Multiple times in his speeches, Moses warns the people not to worship the gods of the natives. So great was the concern that the people were to take a no-holds-barred approach to the battles. If the peoples were totally wiped out, there would be no one left to tempt the Israelites to go astray into idolatry.

I do not mean to diminish the awful nature of those commands or to dismiss lightly the challenges they present to the (post)modern reader. However, if there is a lesson to be learned here, it is that idolatry is so dangerous that we should avoid it at all costs. Even today, we would be well advised to take a no-holds-barred approach to idolatry in our lives. For example, if one knows that television or internet has become an "idol" in one's life, one would be better off getting rid of the television and/or canceling the internet connection, rather than merely attempting to limit one's exposure.

Idolatry is a pervasive and insidious temptation. It must be avoided at all costs, and we must be aggressive in our efforts to stamp it out and prevent it in our lives with God.

Day 5: Numbers

As much as I love Leviticus, I may dislike Numbers that much. It just doesn't do it for me. There is one part where the author lists the leader of each of the tribes and then provides an itemized list of the offerings that leader brought to the tabernacle. In and of itself, that's not too bad - but each and every one of them brought the exact same offering. Why couldn't the author have listed the leaders' names and then said, "each of them brought the same offering(s), which were:" and then listed it once? Seriously, the author of Numbers needs an editor.

/end rant

Moving on to the observation of the day from Numbers

An Open-Theists Paradise

Several incidents occur in Numbers that make it a big asset for open theists. Briefly (and if you want more information, google or wiki it), open theism is a position held by some theologians in which God self-limits His knowledge of the future. According to the position of most open theists, God knows only what can be known and - this is the important part - the outcome of a future free will decision cannot be known until the decision is made. Put more simply, if you ask me whether or not I want to go get a pizza, God does not know whether I will say yes or no until I make the decision. (NOTE: the preceding was a very inadequate and all too brief summary of open theism. If you would like a more detailed explanation, drop me a comment w/your e-mail or facebook me)

Anyway, open theism is a position in the debate about predestination and God's knowledge of the future. It attempts to faithfully deal with the Scriptures that indicate God knows everything about the future and those scriptures that indicate God might not. The bellwether question for most open theists is, "Can God change His mind?"

In Numbers, then - yes, all of this relates back to Numbers - we find multiple occurrences of God seeming to do just that. The pattern is always the same: the Israelites do something stupid, God says He is going to destroy them altogether, Moses and/or Aaron intercede for the people and God relents from total destruction. It happens at least twice in Numbers (as well as in other places in the Old Testament).

Here's the thing - I don't know where I stand vis a vis open theism. Part of me thinks it is a legitimate way of understanding how God could know the future and still allow humans to exercise free will. Another part of me, though, wonders if we are meant to understand how God's knowledge of the future works and is afraid that open theism represents too much "anthropomorphizing" of God by humans (i.e. "making God in our own image").

What it boils down to for me is this: reading Numbers, it is clear that God changes His mind on a couple of occasions. How exactly that works is a mystery to me. How it plays into our understanding of God, predestination and free-will, I don't know. I just know that God is love and that I am not meant to completely understand God.

Day 4: Leviticus

This is going to make me seem quite strange to the average reader, but I thoroughly enjoy the book of Leviticus. If I were to make a list of my five favorite books of the Bible, Leviticus would definitely be on it (just for fun, in no particular order: Leviticus, Deuteronomy, Habakkuk, Luke, Psalms). I love Leviticus because I can see love within the somewhat tedious listing of sacrifices and rituals. I love Leviticus because I can see what can only be called parental concern behind many of the laws at which we often raise our eyebrows. But mostly, I love Leviticus because it makes it clear that God has always been interested in having a relationship with humans - He's not a God who hides or who makes the way to him a mystery. He lays out exactly what we have to do...and I love that.

On to the observations:

A Harsh Punishment

If you have any question that God is interested in relationship and in community, just take a read through Leviticus and focus on the punishment for violating many of the laws. The New Living Translation uses the phrase "they will be cut off from the community." This was the punishment ordained for violating the majority of the laws recorded in Leviticus. Cut off from the community - ostracized, forced to leave one's family, forced to leave the camp, forced to strike out on one's own.

In our (post)modern world, where we value individuality above all else and prize things such as "alone time" and "striking out to find our way in the world," this idea of being cut off from the community might not resonate as strongly. In the world of the Old Testament, though, the community was the defining force in life. Individual identity as we understand it didn't really exist - one's identity came from one's family and one's community. Thus, when Leviticus demands that violators be cut off from the community, it is saying that violators of the law will be stripped of their identity as God's people.

Jack-of-All-Trades

I never noticed before how involved the role of priest was in Old Testament Jewish culture. Reading Leviticus, I noticed that priests were tasked with everything from offering sacrifices to basic medical care (evaluating skin diseases) to property assessment (checking for mold). The priests were pastors, doctors, inspectors - essential to every part of community life.

Quite the difference from today, when pastors (and church in general) are often reduced to a "wherever I have time and space to spare" role, isn't it?

Day 3: Exodus

Allow me to begin by saying that I can understand why people have a hard time reading through the entire Old Testament. The last half or so of Exodus is really, really difficult to read. It consists of the Biblical equivalent of a technical manual - specifying techniques and dimensions of each and every piece of the Tabernacle. Let me tell you, it's a real snoozer. Nevertheless, I made it through and have two observations:

I Want To Remember

After the Israelites, through God's intervention, escape from Egypt, they are given very specific instructions. They are commanded to celebrate and commemorate God's rescue every single year on a specific day with specific meals and specific rituals. The Passover, as it is known in Jewish culture, is still celebrated in Jewish households around the world today.

I got to thinking about the importance of remembrance. Our modern culture seems somewhat obsessed with it. We build memorials all over the place. There is the Vietnam Wall. There is the memorial here in Oklahoma City to those who were killed in the Murrah building bombing. There is the forthcoming memorial to the dead from the terror of 9/11.

Each of those memorials - along with many of our memorials - share one common characteristic...they memorialize and foster remembrance of bad things, of wars and other horrific events. We don't often create memorials for the good and, when we do, these good memorials tend to not be as well-known.

In the whole scheme of things, I think we should be much better off if we were more like the Israelites after the escape from Egypt. It is important to remember not just the bad things that have happened in our history, but to also remember the great things that God has done on our behalf.

A Different View on Immigration

It seems as though God has a slightly different view on immigration and immigrants is somewhat different from the position held by many Americans. You see, God reminds his people in Exodus that they were once immigrants in a foreign land and, thus, that they should always be careful to treat immigrants well. More than that, they should give preference to those immigrants.

I was somewhat aware of this position but had forgotten how strongly emphatic God is about fair and judicious treatment of immigrants. I won't belabor the point with excessive political comment. Just let it be food for thought.

Day 2: Genesis 31-50

It took less than 24 hours for my body to start rebelling against the lack of caffeine. My head is a little fuzzy with a dull ache this morning. Someone please explain to me why I insist on going caffeine-free every year for Lent.

Anyway, on to the big observation from Genesis 31-50

A God Who Warns (Genesis 31:24)

Today's reading continues the story of Jacob and Laban. Laban was the father-in-law who deceitfully "stuck" Jacob with Leah as a wife when Jacob wanted to marry Rachel instead. Laban was also the father-in-law who, when Jacob worked for him as a shepherd, tried to cheat Jacob out of his fair wages. Laban was, in other words, a real winner of a guy.

In Genesis 31, Jacob decides to take his two wives (Laban's daughters) and all his family and possessions and return to the land of Canaan, where his father Isaac and grandfather Abraham had lived. They sneak off in the middle of the night, worried that Laban might try to force them to stay. Once Laban realizes that they are gone, he gets angry and decides to go after them with force.

This is where the story gets interesting. As Laban and his army near Jacob's encampment with their bad intentions, God intervenes. In 31:24 - God tells Laban, "I'm warning you - leave Jacob alone" (NLT). No threats of destruction or anything like that, just "leave him alone."

God didn't have to warn Laban. In fact, given Laban's history of deceitfulness, it would have been at least somewhat justified to let Laban attack Jacob and get soundly defeated. But God doesn't do that - in warning Laban, God shows yet again that He is a God of mercy. God would rather avoid unnecessary bloodshed and violence, and so he warns Laban to back off - and Laban does.

I am only two days into this project and already my assumptions about the Bible are being rattled. As I mentioned yesterday, the militant God of the Old Testament doesn't seem quite as militant as I read through it this time. Perhaps I was just looking in the wrong places before, but it seems more and more clear to me that God is love - Old Testament and New Testament.

Day 1: Genesis 1-30

My first observation in beginning this quest to read the whole Bible in 40 days is that it is going to be somewhat more challenging than I thought to keep up with the amount of reading each day. Because I'm reading so much - and reading relatively quickly - I won't be able to take notes or comment on every little thing that strikes me. Instead, I will have to focus on the "big" things - the things that stick in my mind after I'm done reading 30 chapters.

Today's thoughts:

Like Father, Like Son

A couple different times in the first 30 chapters of Genesis, Abraham gets himself in trouble by trying to pass his wife off as his sister. In each case, his wife ends up being taken into the royal palace. Both times, it is discovered that Sarah is really not Abraham's sister and the people involved are pretty incensed at Abraham. You would think that these stories would represent lessons passed down to Abraham's son, Isaac, right?

Apparently not, because shortly after marrying Rebekah, we find Isaac trying to pass her off as his sister - in one of the same places and to one of the same kings that Abraham had done with Sarah. Unsurprisingly, it doesn't work...Isaac gets caught kissing on Rebekah and the king is mad once again. Thankfully, though, the stupidity didn't seem to carry past the second generation...

Hagar gets it right (Genesis 16:11-16)

The whole story of Hagar is somewhat distressing to me - Abraham's wife gets frustrated at being unable to have kids, so she "makes" (If Abraham was anything like a typical man, I'm guessing there wasn't much persuasion needed...) Abraham sleep with her servant in order to have a son, Ishmael. After Ishmael is born, though, Abraham's wife begins to treat both Hagar and Ishmael like crap. So Hagar runs away. And in Chapter 16, God encounters Hagar and encourages her to return to Abraham. Following this encounter, Hagar uses a new name - el-Roi - to refer to God. The New Living Translation translates this name as "The God who sees me." What an awesome name - Hagar knew that God had not just seen her run away, but that he had seen her distress. God was - and is - "the God who sees me." Of all the names of God - YHWH, elohim, el-shaddai, adonai, etc. - I think el-Roi is the one I like best.

God cares for the unloved (Genesis 29:31)

The assumption is sometimes made that the Old Testament represents and reveals the militant God - the God who fights and who commands his people to go to war and utterly annihilate their enemies - while the New Testament represents and reveals the God of love. Read the first 30 chapters of Genesis, though, and you'll find yourself encountering a God who shows great concern for the unloved. I have already mentioned Hagar, who was abused and mistreated by Sarah and Abraham, but comforted, encouraged and blessed by God - who promises to provide for her needs and to bless her son Ishmael.

Then, in Jacob's story, we meet Leah. Leah, whose father tricks Jacob into marrying her even though Jacob neither loves Leah nor wants her as his wife. Leah, who is second to her younger sister Rachel in nearly every department. Leah, who is described in 29:31 as "unloved." God sees that Leah is unloved and does something about it - he makes Leah fertile and Rachel barren. Leah will bear Jacob children (eventually, so will Rachel, but Leah would bear sooner and also bear more) and that ability to bear children will be a reason for Jacob to love Leah.

It doesn't say how well it worked - in fact, if you read on, it doesn't seem to accomplish anything other than to spark one of the strangest and most absurd examples of sibling rivalry I've ever seen. Regardless of the outcome, though - in the stories of Hagar & Leah - we discover a God who passionately cares about the outcast and the unloved.

More tomorrow...

A Lenten Project

For the last several years, I have been an active participant in the season of Lent (the 40 days between Ash Wednesday and Easter Sunday). Briefly, since this post isn't about the theological underpinnings of Lent, the traditional practice during Lent is to fast - to give up something one values in order to devote the resources (time, money, etc.) you spend on the thing given up to a spiritual purpose.

My own personal Lenten fast has, over the last several years, involved a 40 day fast from caffeine and a 40 day fast from purchasing books. I confess, though, that last year I realized that what I was doing for Lent was all about me - there wasn't so much a spiritual dimension to the fasts as there was a "prove to myself that I can do it" dimension...and that is not what Lent is all about.

This year, then, I am trying something different. Rather than merely subtracting caffeine and book purchases from my day-to-day life (which I still plan on doing, by the way), I feel like I need to add something of spiritual value and import to my day-to-day life. So starting tomorrow, I am embarking on a 40-day schedule to read through the entire Bible - Genesis - Revelation. Between now and Easter, I will get a birds eye view of the whole of God's work on behalf of His people. I am rather excited.

In an effort to maintain my excitement and to further the impact of this 40-day addition to my life, I have further decided to take this Lenten Project into my own blogosphere. At some point each day - after I finish the reading - I will be posting some brief thoughts on what I have read. No promises that I will be extremely profound or that my musings will be life-changing. But I can promise that they will be honest and open reflections from my heart and soul as I take on God's Word.

I suppose you could say that this will be a 40 day unfast. And it begins tomorrow - with Genesis 1-30.

My Biggest Fear...

I downloaded a song by Matthew West today - just a few minutes ago actually. It's a song that's been around for a while, but it's just now reaching me. The lyric that is causing a swirling torrent of emotion and angst in me is this:

"I don't want to go through the motions. I don't want to go one more day without your all-consuming passion inside of me. I don't want to spend my whole life asking, 'What if I had given everything instead of going through the motions?'"

Every time I hear those words from the chorus of West's appropriately titled The Motions, I am filled with fear. Because West courageously puts into lyrical form my single greatest fear. I am afraid - terrified - that I will reach the end of my life and realize that I was just "playing" at this thing called faith, that I was just "going through the motions" with Jesus, that I wasn't really following Him. The worry that I am doing just that sometimes keeps me up at night.

And it's not that I am afraid that God will judge me more harshly that way or that I feel like I'm being insincere or not trying. I'm not afraid of "going through the motions" because I'm afraid of Hell. It goes deeper than that, because I have no doubt that God's grace will be sufficient even in that circumstance. I am afraid because I don't want to end up in a place where I recognize that I could have done more, that I could have helped someone else or ministered to another need or grown deeper or been more passionate. I don't want to have regrets about the life I live with God - and it makes me anxious to realize that I will always be able to do more or be more passionate and devoted to Christ.

On my computer I have a sermon preached by Louie Giglio at a Passion conference some years ago. In it, he talks about the deep sadness that will affect those who meet God face to face and haven't been in the right places, saying, "Oh, that's what YOU were doing, God? Well, I was over here doing this. That's what moved YOU? Well, this is what moved me..."

It makes me want to keep praying, "God show me more. Take me through whatever I have to go through to make me more like Christ. If it hurts, if it is uncomfortable, if it breaks me, if it kills me - teach me how to deal with it. Never let me be satisfied with who I am in You. Don't let me settle in - don't let me rest. Keep pushing me, God. I'll go through hell itself if it will bring me closer to You."