Saturday, April 21, 2012

A Religious Experience at the Symphony


It’s no secret that I am an aficionado of violin music, particularly the music of today’s most well-known violin savant, Joshua Bell.

Last night, for my birthday, the wife took me to see Bell perform live with the Academy of St. Martin in the Fields orchestra.  It was an all Beethoven program, and it was amazing.  More than amazing, it was a religious experience.

Being particularly interested in the violins, I spent most of the evening watching the violinists – especially Bell, of course – as they performed the music.  As I watched, I noticed that the different violinists appeared to take different approaches to their instruments and to the music.

For some, it was as though musician and instrument were the best of friends, the musician gently tucking her instrument under her chin and whispering to it with a quiet intensity – sitting quite still and smoothly drawing the bow across the strings as.  Musician and instrument – engaged, as it were, in a delicate conversation.  Together, these  two closest of friends created the music, music of beautiful tone and elegant beauty.  One could tell that these musicians and their instruments belonged together.

For others, though, it seemed as if the concert was a form of gladiatorial combat between musician and instrument – a musical death match.  No gentility here.  Instead, the musician grabs his instrument and wrestles it into submission, pinning it to his shoulder and raking the bow on its strings.  Concertgoers watch them exchange blows, as the musician jerks his body back one moment as if struck and forward the next as if dealing a retaliatory blow.  Yet somehow the force of the combat called forth the best from both musician and instrument, resulting in a music no less beautiful and all the more poignant for the battle that produced it.

Then there was Joshua Bell.  Bell is one of those unique individuals for whom the violin is neither friend nor foe – it is part of him.  The distinction between Bell and his Stradivarius is more than just blurred in the performance, it is removed altogether.  Instrument becomes an extension of the man’s life, and he pours his heart into it.  One might say it is like lovers, but even that does not adequately capture the intensity of the union between Bell and his instrument.

And the music!  Oh, the music.  It is almost too much to take.  Words fail in describing its beauty, its eloquence, the passion of its sound.  One watches Bell and quickly understands that making music is more than just a way to make money.  It is more than a hobby.  It is something he must do.  The music is there inside of him and one gets the impression from watching him perform that releasing that music is a catharsis, a necessary self-emptying without which he would go mad.

It struck me as I was watching that Bell was the living portrayal of something the prophet Jeremiah once said when people told him to stop preaching:

“But if I say, ‘I will not mention his word or speak anymore in his name,’ his word is in my heart like a fire, a fire shut up in my bones.  I am weary of holding it in; indeed, I cannot.” (Jeremiah 20.9)

I have always enjoyed this verse but, until last night, I have not completely understood it.  It seemed like something cute to say about being a pastor and my calling to preach.  But when I watched Bell in the throes of ecstatic revelation while playing, I recognized that he not only got this verse (even if he’s never heard it), he lives this verse every time he performs.

And as I watched and listened in silent awe last night, I felt the question arise unbidden in the deepest part of my own being – is that how I feel about my calling?  It is not music but gospel that wells up inside of me – am I so passionately desperate to get that message out, to share it with whomever might be listening that the very thought of not doing so drives me mad?

Or is gospel something I just offer up each Sunday because that’s my job and it’s a way to make money to pay the bills?

Joshua Bell is a prophet with a violin.  All of us who claim to have something to share with the world would do well to catch a performance of this modern day Jeremiah.

Saturday, April 14, 2012

I'm All Talk

Okay, maybe not ALL talk...but mostly talk.  At the very least, I think anyone who knows me can agree that I talk a lot.

I realized that this week as I prepared for worship and as I began to prepare for a challenging series of lessons this summer.  I realized it even more just a few moments ago as I perused the last few entries on this blog.  I seem to have a lot to say - about what it means to follow Jesus and what the church should look like and that sort of thing.

I talk a lot.

But I don't do so much.

For example, I talk a lot about the poor and how we have a sacred responsibility and calling to care for them.  But I stop at McDonald's or the gas station several times a week to buy myself food that I don't really need.  I don't give my resources to actually do something about the poor.  Instead I buy the latest new release for my Kindle.  And I'm not just talking about money.  Instead of giving my time to advocate for the poor or get involved, I sit in my recliner and read about other people who do those things.

For a second example, I talk about being an "ally," about standing up for those in the lesbian, gay, bisexual and transexual community who are regularly abused by those both inside and outside the church.  But I don't actively do anything to stop that abuse.  I haven't even built up the courage to speak about it publicly (though that's coming soon...).

I could go on, but I think that I've made my point.  Part of it.

Because I'm not entirely talk.  I can list some things that I have done, some ways that I have been active.  I could applaud myself for those steps.  But the steps I take aren't radical.  They don't speak to a deep commitment or passion for these issues.  They speak instead of a life that is willing to give at the margins of my comfort zone.

I don't think it's entirely intentional.  Often I simply don't think about the ways that I perpetuate the very systems that cause poverty and hatred and abuse.  Other times I settle for the excuse that I don't know how to get involved on a larger level.  But that's just an excuse, a cover up for the real problem.

Which is that I'm a lazy Christian...or a cowardly Christian.  I don't know how to get involved because I choose to not know.  I could if I wanted it bad enough.

But do I?

Right now, I'm not even sure I want to skip my morning trip for caffeine before church in the morning.  I "need" that caffeine...

...so I can talk some more.