When someone says that they are a contemplative, that usually brings to mind one dominant image, that of a monk or nun sitting silently in a cell for hours on end, meditating on Scripture and praying, a la Thomas Merton or Madame Guyon or others.
Obviously, since I am a happily married man, this is not what I mean when I say that I am a contemplative.
Rather, what I mean by it is best reflected by the following quote from Henri Nouwen:
"A life that is not reflected on isn't worth living."
That is a phenomenal statement. I'm talking life-motto level of statements. I cuts to the core of how I feel about life, and it defines what I mean when I say that I am a contemplative.
I am someone who reflects on life. I try not to hold a belief without reflecting on it and knowing why I believe it. Because just as a life that is not reflected on isn't worth living, a belief held uncritically isn't worth believing.
I have to admit, though, that I wasn't always this way. Ask anyone who knew me as an undergrad student at Olivet Nazarene University. I was arrogant and assured of my own views and convinced that I needed to devote no time to reflection. The credit for my transformation goes to three things: God, Henri Nouwen's books and a man named Craig Keen.
Nouwen's writings showed a man who had wrestled with his beliefs and reflected on his life, and it showed me how such a life could be lived and how such a life was needed in the world around me. He inspired me to open my mind to the idea of living a life more contemplative.
Craig Keen didn't inspire me to reflect so much as dragged me kicking and screaming into reflection. His theology classes at ONU were difficult and he challenged his students to take the time to think, to really think about what we believed - to go beyond "I believe it because I was told to believe it" and come to "I believe it because I have considered the alternatives and know that it is true." Without the hand of Craig Keen pushing me in the small of the back, I might never have opened myself to the transforming power of God.
Of course, God did the hard work of actually transforming my heart and mind and it is God who gets the ultimate credit.
It is hard to overstate how important the concept of reflection is to me. It is the commitment to reflection that has led me down the road to where I am today. It is the commitment to reflection that helps me realize that I am where God wants me to be - even if I do not have a license and even if I never get ordained.
When all is said and done, if I could pick one characteristic of myself that people would be able to see and identify, it is this intense focus on reflection and contemplation.
Because I want to live a life worth living.
jB
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